This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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