i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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