I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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