we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
