I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
