This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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