guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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