If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
