I wish I could teleport
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You made out with two different species that night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
