Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
