some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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