john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
