i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you had me at cake vodka
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
