I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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