Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
