Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
