...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
