Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
