is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
