Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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