If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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