I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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