Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
