so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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