Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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