Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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