Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
they're like a gay fantastic four
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
