Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
