Dignity is for republicans.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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