Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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