How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
