Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Couch. On fire.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
