I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
