I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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