As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
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