dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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