if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was like eating out sand paper
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
