He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
