so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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