I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
