I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
