You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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