I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
