Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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