Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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