fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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