week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
