Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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