Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
