I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
