her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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