Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
