youre lurking in front of me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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