Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
