Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
